Some parenting advice

Look I know this is a business blog but frankly, as the supermarket can sell life insurance I don't think it's me you should be judging.
Besides, the giving of well meaning but essentially ill informed and condescending parenting advice is a time honoured tradition so why not join in (although to be fair all the advice I am giving is well informed and mostly not condescending at all babe xx).
Also, my own offspring have made it to 14 and 16 with all the important body parts they started off with and s not totally f$%^&@d up yet.

So allow me to share my top ten tips for parenting teenagers.

1) Don't call your child during french to ask whether they would like the princess or the cute puppy tissues. The teachers don't like it when students take calls during lessons.

2) It is generally frowned upon when you take a date to senior prize giving.

3) When your offspring suddenly decide selected items in your wardrobe are cool enough to borrow don't think this makes YOU somehow cool. You aren't. You are the most embarrassing and uncool parent ever to have existed and how you EVER managed to give birth to such a style icon is, and will always be, a mystery.

4) Learn how to pronounce hyperbole properly before your child reaches NCEA level 1. 

5) Cease using hyperbole in any conversation before your child starts NCEA level 1.

6) Don't ever dare to suggest your child is perhaps, maybe using hyperbole. Teenagers have actually died from lack of a new red lipstick or the iPhone 5. 

7) The Vamps song Cecilia is an original recording. Any similarity to the Simon and Garfunkel song with the same tune and lyrics is a coincidence.

8) All parents have history. If it's not on the internet or your permanent record it's ok to lie about it.

9) Never say vagina in a loud voice in Bunnings or any other retail outlet.

10) Any loss of vision caused by sighting you naked is temporary. When they scream "I'm blind, I'm blind" they are exaggerating. They can still see shapes and primary colours.

You're Welcome.